What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
Last Updated: 20.06.2025 00:47
Would this be the day?
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
One cannot live in the past .
What made you stop being an addict?
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
The only rule us 5 kids had .
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
What can I do to deal with disrespectful children?
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
Im still living with it.
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
Why do I sweat so much at the gym?
So whats the point in blame.
Especially a lifetime of it.
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
Why is dating so frustrating and difficult for a guy?
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
This is how, and why children get BPD.
Does the Hamas charter specifically call for the death of all Jews and the destruction of Israel?
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
So, i spoilt her more .
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
How do you view men and women who cheat?
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
I want to touch my sister’s boobs. What do I say?
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
What sexual experience did you have at a highway rest area?
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
She found it foreign!.
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
What are the coolest new smart home gadgets to upgrade your living space?
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
But, we were locked up after school.
What does pompano fish taste like?
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
When she asked me how she looked .
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
I never cut or harmed myself..
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
On the 31st of Jan this month .
It was going to be , some day.
But it wasn’t much.
(And it was in our own minds.)
He knew the spot.
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
He resisted the act ,that day.
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
I was very sick at this time too.
But ive been too sick for many years..
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
I don,t even have a pension.
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
Why did i forgive my father ?
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
I have no regrets .
We all went to grammer schools
She married twice! .
She loved him until the end.
I had hoped to write a book about this .
I was seconnd youngest,
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
Where the ultimate outsiders.
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
Im dying but, im not bitter.
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
My family never makes their pension either.
We were not on the streets..
I waited trembling.
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
I know ,a lot about trauma.
I could never make a relationship work though!
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
I think the readers, may guess!
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
I will be 64.
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
What did i know ?
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
They are buried together, in the same grave..
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
He was dying to do it , i knew.
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
Who then, do I blame.?
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
As i do to all so called friends.?
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
And who doesn’t know suffering?
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
She was in good health!
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
Was to survive, this bastard.
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
I write beautiful poetry .
I did it because my mum asked me too!
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
This is soul school!.
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
I couldn’t, believe it.
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
I was scared of men, in general
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
All the time i was locked up.
Comes on , in middle age.
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
I was 9 years of age.
My life is so biszare .
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
My mum and dad in the seventies!
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
I said to her
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
Put me off passion for life!!
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
Ive learnt so much.
She wouldn,t have been !
And i lived it daily.
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!